Unconditional LOVE - What is it ?

Unconditional Love - very common words  we come across nowadays.
What it could really mean?

Popular meaning is, not to put loyalty conditions in a love relationship.
But we got to go beyond that and take a broader spectrum of love including romantic love to understand what unconditional love could really mean.

Beside romantic love, we have mother's love, brother's love, friend's love and many many more.
There are as many love as there are relationships.
We can easily see,
In all these relationships, love is conditional because relationships are conditional.
Mothers'love is only for her child and so are brother', friends, partner's and so on.
In our empirical life we can't find any love which is not based on a condition. 
If we remove the conditions, love becomes abstract, an idea without any concrete reality.
Or, is it the other way around.
That is,
have we narrowed down the universal unconditional love to suit our empirical conditions?
If we take the sunlight as a metaphor for love.
We can equate sun light in the open space to unconditional love.
 Inside a room, sunlight enters only in the shape of the windows -restricted and or tainted.
It is qualitatively altered.
In the same way, 
when unconditional love is  manifested through our relationships,
it is narrowed down and attain different expressions - romance,care, affection, empathy,
regard, respect and so on.
All these feelings and expressions are limited versions of that unconditional universal love.
Its original nature is said to be compassion towards all.

So, the love we have is unconditional but limited by our empirical conditions.
If we can remove the conditions, then it will manifest itself in full glory.
Our conditions are ego centric - for its welfare and protection.
So, as long as we have this ego centric view of life,
unconditional love will remain an ideal or an idea.
If one can transcend ego or personal consciousness and there by transcending the conditions,
that universal unconditional love may come into being.
It is not making the windows bigger but walking out of the room into the open.

Those, who attained it say,
it is not only compassion but also intelligence that reveals cosmic purpose and order.

  

Why sex is a problem in the society?

Why sex is a problem in the society?

When this question was put to J.Krihnamurti-

His reply went like this,

'Why sex... 

if you think about eating all day long, it will become a problem...

problem is not the act but the thoughts about it".

In that case, why any one think about it all the time?

That too,

it is the civilized who have thoughts and think about it a lot, 

not the so called uncivilized.

So, problem might have something to do with the process of civilization.

Science says, propagation of species is the order of life forms in nature, 

And Self Preservation and Procreation are two mechanisms through 

which it is accomplished.

That makes eating and having sex as base needs of life forms.

Being so, 

evolution provided incentive of Pleasure for performing those acts 

to make life forms stay the course of propagation .

It is called as Pleasure Principle by the experts.

So we find sense of pleasure in eating and in sexual act.

When humans become civilized, secured and gained knowledge.

Their actions are not solely governed by instincts but vastly influenced by their thought process.

In the process, 

pleasure and its associated purpose is separated and now these acts are done for pleasure alone.

This is quite obvious,

We no longer eat for hunger alone but for appetite and to satisfy our cultivated taste.

We no longer have sex to have children (now that can be done in a lab) but for pleasure alone.

So sex, devoid of its original purpose have invented apparent purposes,

To escape stress,  build bond , show dominance, barter it for benefits and so on.

So, Pursuit of pleasure have become primary thought in modern life.

Then, one can’t help thinking about it a lot and disturbed by that as well.

Disturbed because, it is an instinctive urge and can easily override other norms.

Generally speaking, anything out of place or out of proportion will create problems.

As Jean Paul Sartre says in a different context   

A girl wearing a swim suit is graceful in a beach but obscene in a park.

So,

‘Out of proportion’ eating have created health issues and 

‘Out of place’ sex have created relationship issues.

Then,

We can’t revert to our original innocence or put the genie back in the bottle 

and attain godly grace.

That may be for the enlightened ones.

Anyway, 

beside biological perspective, sex has psychological (LG) and spiritual (Bridal Mysticism) perspectives.

That is another topic.

But , being aware , one can avoid being brazen and insensitive 

and become prudent and wise.

That would make at least pursuit of pleasure a graceful act.

"What is happening to you is what you think is happening to you" - is it so?

“What is happening to you is 

what you think is happening to you “ - is that true ?

This is not about what happens physically but  what happens to us psychologically over an event.

how we think ?

We think or interpret events only in terms of our opinions.

For example, if i have a good opinion about a particular political party .

Then, Its electoral win can bring joy to me.

But, for some reason if my opinion has changed,  then the same event can bring sadness.

The event remaining the same, 

What is ‘happening’ to me changes according to my thinking.

In other words what is happening to me is what i think is happening to me.

This is one simple situation.

Taking a bigger picture or abstract,

All events are interpreted only by our belief system.

Belief system is a complex net work of opinions,prejudices about people, race,religion, culture etc.

In short , about everything around us.

Some beliefs are cultivated consciously like affiliation to a political party.

And, some are at unconscious level like religious, racial, cultural ideas derived from family/society. 

We (can) think and interpret events only in terms of our belief system.

They only qualify any ‘happening' as good, bad or as  desirable , undesirable.

But,

They are all based on belief only, in terms of which we think.

So, whatever happens to us psychologically, ‘Happens’ only because we think so .

The event may be objective but psychological happening is subjective and solely 

depends on one’s belief system.

There is no objective kind of ‘happening’ psychologically.

Change in our beliefs /thoughts will change what is happening to us.

For some, 

change in belief/idea/thought can even transform life itself.

(Change is not tweaking or calibrating a thought, that may work in physical sphere

but not in the psychological sphere. That is, one can be semi-skilled but not semi-honest.)

So, it is true that,

What is happening to us is only what we think is happening to us.

Putting it in other words -

We only decide what happens to us psychologically by choosing  our thoughts and affiliations.

So, in that sense ,

we are the maker our own destiny at least in our psychological sphere.

Let past make us better, not bitter

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'Pain is inevitable;suffering is optional' - is it so ?

It is an old saying attributed to Buddha by some and to Budai (Laughing Buddha) by some.
It doesn't matter because we are only going to look at its import.
The import is, though pain is inevitable, suffering is not.
Implying, one can chose not to suffer.
Now the question is,
Is it possible to chose not to suffer when we are in pain?
To answer that question we will have see what we mean by suffering.
From our experience we can see that suffering is not about sensation of pain but mentally enduring the pain.
So, pain may be physical or psychological, but suffering the pain is only mental/psychological.
Which means suffering is a state of mind.
If it is state of mind then it is left to us to decide how we suffer the pain mentally.

We can see the difference more clearly by analyzing a very simple situation.

For anyone to walk a long distance under hot sun would be painful in a way and state of mind would be that of suffering the heat.
But, if there is substantial reward at the end of the walk, then state of mind would undergo change.
Now, walking under the hot sun won't be perceived as suffering under the heat but only as a difficulty.
The state of mind changes entirely, now the mind is ready to accept the pain but doesn't suffer it mentally.
That is, the mind chooses not to suffer and so names it as difficulty.
Though quantum of pain remains the same but perception of suffering undergoes a change.
This clearly shows that pain is a fact and suffering is only a state of mind.
So the saying 'pain is inevitable; suffering is optional' is a factual statement.
The situation stated above may be too simple.
But, one can extrapolate it to more difficult issues involving physical or psychological pain and still find logically, suffering is only a state of mind.
Of course, it may not be easy and not even possible to practice it under all situations and end mental suffering.
But, people like Buddha/Budai always talks in terms of absolute, one can't derive relief or relative comfort from them.

So, at the least this is the direction one has take to gain insight into suffering and understand the anatomy of suffering.
We would be able free ourselves from suffering to the extent of insight and understanding we have about it.

Inferiority Feeling and Complex - The Difference

Sense of inferiority can come only with comparison and comparison is unavoidable.
Because, that is only way we can know where we stand in terms of any development index.
Here,
Comparison that give rise to sense of inferiority can be with general social parameters or with another individual.
This inferiority feeling as such is positive and act as a measure and also as a motivating factor for upward mobility.
But, one can also develop inferiority complex which is a different thing altogether.
This often happens when comparison is with a particular individual rather than with general social parameters.
And, unlike inferiority feeling, inferiority complex is negative and a demotivating factor at the least.
The simple thumb rule to find whether one has inferiority feeling or inferiority complex is -
If one feels inferior and also feel inspired / motivated by the other's success then what one has inferiority feeling.
Instead, if one feel inferior, jealous, left out and disheartened at the success of another then what one has is inferiority complex.
Anyway,
Inferiority complex is a complex issue as the name suggests.
What is stated above is vastly simplified and is only to highlight the difference.
Psychologists consider inferiority complex as a primary complex with numerous secondary level manifestations.
So, inferiority complex need not be just demotivating but can also lead to other serious psychological problems.
It may affect one's personality in myriad ways.
Internally one may become depressed, anxious, withdrawn and externally one may become aggressive and even anti-social.

So, if one feels inferior, one has to find out whether it is a 'feeling' or 'complex'.
Added to the above thumb rule,
One should also observe one’s own thoughts and the motives.
Obvious indicator of inferiority complex is the presence of ill intention towards the other with whom one makes comparison.

For those who have serious behavior problems because of the complex,
it requires expert psychologist to analyze the root cause and suggest therapy and treatments.
At milder levels, if one is wakeful and become aware of its presence and danger, one can step out of it.

Moreover,
Inferiority complex not only destroys an individual but also causes havoc in the society as well.
Horrible things like random shootouts are outcome of this mental state.
For instance, in recent times, a youth randomly killed many and killed himself leaving a note which said 'Now the world knows who I am'.

Unfortunately inferiority complex is not given due attention as a social problem but treated mostly as an individual problem.
This trend has to change to eliminate this seemingly innocuous but dangerous mental state from the society.
To do that, first one has to clearly distinguish between inferiority feeling and complex because they have opposite effects in an individual and opposite impact on the society. 

Do we like or love?

Do we like or love?
What is the difference between ‘like’ and ‘love’?
As the word LOVE have become too common, we hardly distinguish between like and love.
Regarding that, Buddha gives a simple and profound example.

'If you like a flower, you will pluck it, If you love the flower, you will water it'

It is very clear with respect to a flower but how does this example translate into human relationship.
How do one know whether one likes a person or love the person?
As far this example goes,
Liking a person is akin to plucking a flower.
In this case one will be using the person like a plucked flower that is as a source of fun/pleasure/comfort and so on.
The person would be treated like an object of utility and as a possession.
One would not pay attention or recognize the person's intrinsic feelings/aspirations.
But, will only try to mold the person according to one's whims and fancies.
That is what one does with a plucked flower - denying its natural life.
One would do the same to the person one likes and may claim it as love.
So, this likable relationship is inherently selfish and destructive to the other.

On the other hand, if one love a person
One would not treat the person as an object but as a subject with his/her own mind and aspirations.
One would not mold the person according to one's fancies but nurture him/her to realize their own potential and aspirations.
This loving relationship is like watering the flower, so that the person can bloom in his/her life in a natural way like the flower.

So, we don't kill what we love, we only kill what we like.

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